I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize