i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
