You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
