i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
