Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dicks are not precious.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
