wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
