I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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