he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your penis caused this!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
