There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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