I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
