That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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