Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
