It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
