Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
