this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
