It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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