I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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