there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
