You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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