Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
