Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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