He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
