He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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