i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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