I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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