you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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