My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
time to smoke my breakfast
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
