Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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