I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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