Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
