You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
