Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
