Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
