And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
