VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
