i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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