I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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