Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
