my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
