There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
