u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
