What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
be right there i have to get my cape
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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