I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
