The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst