I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
