I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
