He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
