How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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