no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
