FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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