i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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