Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
