Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
