dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
