Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
