Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
