people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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