There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
