Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
