My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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