it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
