No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
