non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
