so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
