he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
