wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
