help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
