It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
