You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
