im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
