I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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