so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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