mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
