i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
