I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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